Outrageous Chocolate: Getting Beyond the Extreme

We believe that certain items should never, ever be paired with chocolate no matter how extreme you are, but sometimes they are anyway. Join us for a quick review, won't you?

On the far end of the choco-probability curve there's extreme chocolate, and there's outrageous chocolate -- and it's the latter we're going to talk about today. It doesn't get much press here because, frankly, it's outrageous. Which is to say, so far beyond extreme that it makes chocolate cheese look as tame as milk.

There are some things that, in any sane world, would never be mixed with chocolate. And you're getting this opinion from people who've savored items as varied as chocolate beet cake and chocolate-covered bacon, so we know what we're talking about. Read on, but be prepared to be shocked by these examples of outrageous chocolate.

Animal

It's our considered opinion that anything originating from the Animal Kingdom should not be combined or covered with chocolate (with the notable exception of bacon). We especially believe that choco-coated bugs and their relatives are so extreme they come out the other side and become outrageous chocolate instead.

We've all heard of and laughed at the idea of chocolate covered ant recipes. Well, they're real. Further down the line are purveyors of chocolate treats who've apparently decided that crunchy grasshoppers and cockroaches would taste good with a candy coating.

And hey, the outrageous chocolate bug story just gets worse. If you want 'em, you can try chocolate-covered worms, maggots, and even slugs. Ugh. Yeah, we know they're protein rich, but give us a break -- we're humans, not Klingons. Most of us, anyhow.

Vegetable

Vegetation usually works much better than wriggly things when combined with chocolate, but -- and this is a big but -- there are some combinations that are capable of turning the taster off to the whole idea of chocolate in general. For example: chocolate-covered seaweed. Whose idea was that?

Oh, and here's a good one: chocolate covered kimchi. Kimchi is kind of like excessively fermented, spicy Korean sauerkraut, and it's an acquired taste in any case. Smother it in chocolate, and you have something that ranks pretty high on the outrageous chocolate scale. The operative word here is rank.

Mineral (kind of)

Here's something we came across a while back: chocolate covered Jeeps. In the mother of all publicity stunts, back in October 2007 Jeep hosted the "Sweetest Day the Jeep Way" competition, in which each of seven contestants had to lick a chocolate coating off the grill of a Jeep vehicle.

Sounds sweet, right? Hopefully these were shiny new jeeps, or the competitors might have gotten some tasty bug snacks in there too. The two finalists got to dig through 45,000 pieces of (wrapped) chocolate candies to find the keys to a brand new Jeep Liberty 4X4. Now, that's some extreme chocolate right there!

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